Paternal Mental Health Awareness Day
Did you know that postpartum depression can affect dads too?
It’s International Father’s Mental Health Day on June 17, 2019. This is an important topic to bring into the conversation because many people aren’t aware that men can suffer from postpartum depression.
In fact, it is estimated that 1 out of 10 dads will experience postpartum depression around the time of the birth of their child. (US Centers for Disease Control & Prevention.)
What Does Postpartum Depression in Dads Look Like?
We all have a stereotypical idea of what depression looks like… think Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. But postpartum depression in dads can also look a little different than we might expect it to.
In fathers, perinatal mental health issues typically present as:
- irritability
- self-isolation
- overworking
- substance use/abuse
- hopelessness¹.
In addition to these, the onset of symptoms in men can be prolonged compared to women, making male PPD difficult to diagnose.
Diagnostic criteria and assessment tools have been developed and validated using maternal PPD standards and have not been adapted for paternal perinatal mood disorders.
Typically, men are less inclined to seek help and diagnosis to begin with. So combine these limiting factors with a cultural stigma and you have a seriously under-reported, under-diagnosed and under-treated mental health issue affecting millions of families.
Oh ya, and if Mom has been diagnosed with PPD, Dad now has as high as a 50% chance of also developing PPD himself. (US Centers for Disease Control & Prevention.)
But Aren’t Pregnancy Hormones to Blame?
But wait… How can this be? Isn’t it about hormones? HE didn’t have a baby?
Ok, so yes – when is comes to maternal perinatal mental health issues, hormone shifts are a factor for some women. But hormones are not the ONLY factor.
Would it surprise you to know that men also have shifts in their hormones around the time their children are born? In their 2007 article on postpartum depression in dads, Kim & Swain summarize a bunch of research and outline the many changes that Dads go through that would be contributing biological risk factors unique to Dads during the perinatal period.¹
Social Factors That Contribute To Male Postpartum Depression
What we also know is that there are very definitely cultural and social factors that are causing men to experience mental health issues around the time of their baby’s arrival.
Mom’s role is clear, but not Dad’s.
When talking about Dad’s transition to parenthood, the stereotypical ideas we have of fathers and men in general really do fathers and their mental health a big disservice. Dads often struggle to find their place in the immediate period after their babies are born.
Dad feels left out. Why?
Ok, so Dad can’t breastfeed, but that is truly the only thing he can’t do for his newborn infant.
But somehow, Dad is still often left feeling excluded from the mama-baby dyad.
Definitions of masculinity in flux.
Let’s face it – the world hasn’t changed that much and parenting is still largely seen as “women’s work”. Being a truly involved dad requires rejecting the idea that an involved father is demasculinized.
Or, I dunno – maybe let’s have a healthier, enlightened, empowered, more functional idea of what “masculine” means?
Rethinking fatherhood role models.
We also live in a culture that doesn’t really provide great role models for dads, especially when it comes to caring for their children before they are 5 years old.
When little Johnny can finally throw a baseball seems to be the stereotypical time when Dad finally enters the picture. This cultural perception gap sets Dad up for a struggle right out of the gate.
Mom automatically takes charge.
And speaking of gates, there’s also Mom as the “gatekeeper”² to the baby. Most dads don’t feel engaged or competent in caring for their baby to start. It’s pretty darn common that a new mom is on her own mental health journey and is feeling anxious about letting Dad take charge, so he does it a lot less than he could.
Subsequently, baby may not feel as awesome while Dad is in charge, which equals Dad not getting the smiles and coos, aka positive feedback, that Mom seems to get. Bonding and attachment between baby and Dad develop on a slower curve.
So now we have a self-perpetuating loop where Dad is on the outside and not feeling so great about his role in relation to Mom, so the uninvolved, traditional Dad role takes hold.
Being the breadwinner feels like something he can do well, so he reduces himself to that. But we now know that in today’s shifting social norms and expectations, this comes at a cost to his mental health.
“The emphasis on the man’s role as the breadwinner may be increased due to the increased financial burdens after the birth of the child, and, in turn, may prevent fathers from being more involved in parenting.”²
Addressing Postpartum Depression in Dads
So what’s the solution?
I wish it was simple. It’s not. But there are definitely things a family can do to avoid some of the common contributing factors to postpartum depression in fathers.
Get involved.
A guy preparing to be a dad may not look the same as a mom preparing for parenthood.
For a dad, prepping to be an involved parent is two-fold:
- Educate yourself. Part of the psychological impact of new parenthood for fathers is rooted in a lack of confidence and competence. A natural solution to this is engaged education. While they are few and far between, a baby care class for dads is a wonderful thing to do. You will be surrounded by like-minded dads-to-be, and usually it is an environment of learning that caters to the issues specifically relevant to dads/partners. We need more programs that are designed to help dads cross the threshold into parenthood – if you are lucky, there is one near you.
- Make a plan. Do some work on defining who you want to be as a parent and how you are going to be involved in your family to show up for your baby and your partner in a way that supports your goals. Challenge yourself to reject the traditional notions of what fatherhood should look like and make your own rules. Seek role models and community with other dads who align with your ideas. Check out Danny Singley’s website for awesome info on how to connect with other involved, proactive, modern dads.
Make room for Dad.
Dad needs ample opportunity to find his own rhythm and style with the baby as early as possible. This is key.
Dads: this will require you doing some of your homework so that you are prepared to put what you have learned into practice. Teamwork makes the dream work!
Find a way for everyone to be as involved as they can be – this sets everyone up for the best possible outcome. Make a plan as a family for how you will make space for involvement and bonding from the get-go. Get all the information you can to support your plan, be proactive about putting your plan into action and, of course, be flexible and change the plan when you need to… what I love to call playing jazz.
Get in touch with your “feminine” side.
It seems that classic hallmarks of masculinity – aggressiveness, independence, anti-femininity – are absent from how we usually define a “good” parent. A dad who can embrace his nurturing, warm, emotionally aware side is setting himself up to be a better teammate and partner in the immediate peripartum period and beyond.²
Social support.
Becoming a parent is something that creates big changes in your life. It is totally normal to experience stress and need support around this time.
It is vitally important that both partners maintain a social support system, outside your partnership, for yourselves and nurture that support network, even – and especially – during this time in your lives.
The isolation of new parenthood is real, especially for families in western cultures. If you and your partner are depending only on each other for support, someone is going to come up short.
In the immediate postpartum period, emotional and physical depletion leave everyone with limited capacities. Seeking and maintaining outside support eliminates the unrealistic burden on your relationship to be all things you both need at that moment. Having strong outside connections supports your general wellbeing.
New Dad Mental Health Checklist
- Find other modern dads. Start a social club.
- Take a New Dad class.
- Make a plan to be involved.
- Make a plan to maintain outside social/emotional support.
- Talk about your feelings, get screened for risk.
- Get help if you need it.
Resources for New Dads
If you are looking for additional resources, Danny Singley PhD has studied and teaches on PPD in men and Paternal Mental Health and is a great resource to get you going in the right direction!
If you or your partner are already struggling with postpartum depression, anxiety or stress and you need help, check out Postpartum Support International or call 1-800-944-4773/text 503-894-9453 for support and resources.
- Kim, Pilyoung & Swain, James (2007). Sad dads: paternal postpartum depression. Psychiatry (Edgmont (Pa: Township)). 4(2). 35–47.
- Singley, D.B. (2014). Men’s Peripartum Mental Health – Yes, It Actually Exists. The California Psychologist, 47(4), 20–22.
